Its harder than it looks
Like a lot of conscientious parents out there, Warren and I watched all of the 'Little Angels' and Robert Winston's 'Child of Our Time' series'. We didn't feel obliged to watch them, they were very interesting programmes. But I am now understanding and empathising a lot more with the parents involved in these programs and I am realising that raising and disciplining a toddler it is a lot harder to put into practice than it seems. It all seemed so obvious watching where other people were going wrong, shouting at the TV and wondering why these people had so little common sense. Now I realise it has nothing to do with common sense and I a lot to do with the emotional connection you have with your child, I think it is a lot easier to think you can do it than to actually put it into practice.
You are probably wondering what the hell I am waffling on about and I am so tired sitting here that I can hardly think straight to to string a sentence together, let alone use proper punctuation. But I was so stressed out today from a short trip into town. Emily is just so naughty sometimes, in an extreme contrary way and just basically won't do as she is told and plays up constantly when I am anywhere near shops. I left feeling I was doomed to stay in the house forever because going out with a contrary toddler is just too much like hard work. But then it dawned me that I am not doing as I have learnt and I am making idle threats and not following them through. I am going to think very hard about this and try to improve my disciplinarian skills. No wonder I am the only one in my family who hasn't become a teacher.
Following through on warnings is absolutely essential. Cordy knows full well that if we tell her that if she does/continues to do something that she shouldn't as it is naughty/anti-social/hazardous to herself and/or others, whatever we've promised will happen, will happen. Nowadays, a lot of the time the promise to do something ("If you do that again we'll take away your Felicity Wishes book/Balamory/Barbie Laptop/football in the garden with daddy" - whichever is the most popular toy of the moment really)is enough to stop whatever it was she was doing. This is because she knows we will confiscate a toy (only for a day - we're not THAT evil) if we've warned her and no amount of wailing or gnashing of teeth will alter this (in fact, we'll just cackle to each other at a job well done). Getting down to their (physical rather than metaphorical) level and looking them straight in the eyes, to make them see, as Lydia puts it, the face of God, is also handy. In a very very few Defcon 5 naughtiness episodes (I've only done it a couple of times and Lydia about the same), sitting Cordy down in the corner (the 1 minute for each year of their age, straight from one of those nanny programmes) to think about her actions and then say sorry (or, if she wasn't up for sorry, to sit there for a bit longer) was also worthwhile.
Reading this back, I sound a bit Victorian dad but it's worth the hard work now, when they're tiny, so that when they come out the otherside of toddler-dom they will be a reasonable, considerate human being that knows the connection between actions and consequences.
It is a *lot* harder at first than you'd think. You do have to follow through on threats - it gets easier to purposefully upset your child in order to teach them a lesson after you've done it a few times (Steve helpfully refers to it as "clubbing your first baby seal.") It also takes a while for your tiny to get it, and you have to be completely consistent.
I have a marvellous memory of Cordy screaming her head off "WANT bissie!" (biscuit) as we were doing christmas shopping in Sainsburys when she was 18 months, and me ignoring her and getting some fantastic looks from all the middle-aged ladies who thought I was starving my child.
Thank you so much for your informative and reassuring comments Steve & Lydia, its so nice to have people who understand and who are doing things the same way as us. It makes a real difference to have that support. I wish you all lived closer!
MAX - what a cheek! Yes mom's a teacher but certainly not what the telly says is a disciplinarian! Chris may be a teacher too but he's been more concerned with avoiding discipline throughout the years! It's not about discipline, it's all about psychology. Anticipate the behaviour and be prepared with the response. As Em gets older, it gets more like a game of chess - think three moves ahead! Doesn't that make you think a bit Max about when you were a mighty bit younger!
Love mom
Steve & Lydia I'm so impressed, we've watched all the programmes - shouting at them as max says wondering why the parents aren't dealing with it -you've got it sorted as I'd hope I would but at the same time reeeaalllly scary! I've got an odd biological niggle? which I'm trying to ignore so don't get excited, maybe it's because I'm feeling rather middle aged and sort of now or never or maybe 6 months off work sounds nice(been researching it for an employee who's "up the duff") but the blog is very helpful in the niggle matter at putting it in perspective.
Steve, never be afraid of discipline and Victorian-style punishment. Connor's spells in the coal shed have served us well. Tammy...cover those piano legs!